“It is only through mystery and madness that the soul is revealed.” - Thomas Moore
I finished reading Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness, a memoir by Susannah Cahalan. Susannah was a young woman living in New York City. She had landed her dream job at the New York Post, had a loving boyfriend, and everything seemed to be going well for her. All of a sudden, she started experiencing paranoia and hallucinations. She was convinced she had bedbugs, despite all evidence to the contrary. She went through her boyfriend's email, though he had given her no reason to mistrust him. Then she started behaving unpredictably at work, lashing out in hysteria one moment, then appearing on top of the world the next. She also experienced physical symptoms, such as insomnia, headaches, and numbness on the right side of her body.
First, a doctor chalked it up to mono. Then Susannah was told she was drinking too much and experiencing withdrawal. After suffering multiple seizures, Susannah was hospitalized. She went through many misdiagnoses, including bipolar disorder, multiple personality disorder, and schizophrenia. She was in the hospital for 25 days before she was finally diagnosed with anti-NMDA receptor autoimmune encephalitis, a disease where her body was essentially attacking her brain.
The memoir was made into a movie for Netflix. I decided to watch it because I always enjoy watching the movie after reading the book. It feels like a reward for doing all that hard work. I’m glad I did read the book, though, because I have the feeling that seeing the movie alone would leave me with many unanswered questions.
Simply put, there was far too much yelling in this film. Every character was so intense and completely unhelpful in aiding Susannah through this difficult experience. Susannah’s father was portrayed as emotionally distant and quick to anger, while her mother was shown as cold and uptight. This was a far cry from the warmth and support emphasized by Susannah in her memoir. Even through manic episodes, paranoia, and a complete detachment from reality, Susannah’s family and friends appear to have stuck by her side, and Susannah’s gratitude and love come through in her writing. In the film, I got the feeling that the parents and coworkers were the main characters, and the story was about how Susannah’s behavior affected them and made their lives difficult. Honestly, it was a bit painful to watch certain scenes. As a person who has struggled with anxiety, it made me think about the people who shamed me and belittled me for reacting a certain way in a situation, rather than comforting me and trying to identify the problem.
Rather than focusing on the, in my opinion, fascinating series of misdiagnoses that shaped her time in the hospital, they spent most of the movie showing Susannah’s descent into madness while living her day-to-day life. They emphasized the burden it was on her family and coworkers, rather than demonstrating what Susannah was actually experiencing, such as the auditory and visual hallucinations. If I were the director, I would have put Susannah’s own consciousness at the forefront, and leave it to the audience to deduce what is part of reality and what is merely happening in Susannah’s mind. I think it would have been more interesting if they illustrated Susannah’s symptoms as if they were real because they were very real for her. For example, there’s a moment when Susannah is having dinner with her father and his fiancee. She hallucinates that the fiancee calls her a “spoiled brat.” Unfortunately, the audience doesn’t see or hear this happen. We only see Susannah’s reaction to it, which to me is a huge detriment. This makes Susannah appear intemperate and impulsive, almost as if she is intentionally lashing out.
At one point in the film, Susannah’s parents are understandably upset after learning the possibility that she may be transferred to a psychiatric ward. A psychiatric ward generally means ongoing mental health treatment, rather than further insight into a possible neurological disorder (Think One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest or Girl, Interrupted). However, her father attempts to defend her by stating matter-of-fact, “She is not psychotic.” This is simply inaccurate. One of the defining symptoms of Susannah’s illness is psychosis. Psychosis means a severe detachment from reality, which is often why the subject isn’t aware of and doesn't remember her own behavior. Regardless of how scary the world seems, the fact is that Susannah was psychotic. Denying her symptoms doesn't bring her closer to a diagnosis. I found this ignorance of medical terminology frustrating.
I thought the end of the movie was super rushed. It felt like the movie stopped halfway through the story. In the memoir, Susannah discusses her gradual steps in recovery. She had to slowly become herself again, learning to talk, to read, to write, develop her fine and gross motor skills, and be in social situations. One of the most interesting parts was that she passed through similar stages in her recovery as she did in the regression of her illness. But the movie completely skipped all of this. It shows her diagnosis and her family’s jubilations, and then it jumps forward in time. All of a sudden she's laughing with Stephen and walking (albeit very slowly) with her Dad and returning to her job. I think the most powerful part of Susannah’s story was her gradual return to normality, the struggle it took to become herself again, and her self-awareness during this time.
In conclusion, I believe the movie left a lot to be desired. However, I’m really glad I read this book. It gave me a lot of insight into the reality of mental illnesses of this nature. Towards the end, Susannah points out that many people diagnosed with autism or schizophrenia may actually be suffering from autoimmune disorders similar to hers, gradually wreaking havoc on the patient's body. If left untreated for too long, the chances reduce that the patient could ever return to her former self again. Susannah acknowledges the privilege she had of having access to the medical resources she did and is working to help others attain the same resources. As advanced as modern medicine is, we still have a long way to go, but stories like Susannah’s are helping bring awareness. As Susannah says, “I wouldn’t take that terrible experience back for anything in the world. Too much light has come out of my darkness.” By speaking out, Susannah is bringing light to others as well.
First, a doctor chalked it up to mono. Then Susannah was told she was drinking too much and experiencing withdrawal. After suffering multiple seizures, Susannah was hospitalized. She went through many misdiagnoses, including bipolar disorder, multiple personality disorder, and schizophrenia. She was in the hospital for 25 days before she was finally diagnosed with anti-NMDA receptor autoimmune encephalitis, a disease where her body was essentially attacking her brain.
The memoir was made into a movie for Netflix. I decided to watch it because I always enjoy watching the movie after reading the book. It feels like a reward for doing all that hard work. I’m glad I did read the book, though, because I have the feeling that seeing the movie alone would leave me with many unanswered questions.
Simply put, there was far too much yelling in this film. Every character was so intense and completely unhelpful in aiding Susannah through this difficult experience. Susannah’s father was portrayed as emotionally distant and quick to anger, while her mother was shown as cold and uptight. This was a far cry from the warmth and support emphasized by Susannah in her memoir. Even through manic episodes, paranoia, and a complete detachment from reality, Susannah’s family and friends appear to have stuck by her side, and Susannah’s gratitude and love come through in her writing. In the film, I got the feeling that the parents and coworkers were the main characters, and the story was about how Susannah’s behavior affected them and made their lives difficult. Honestly, it was a bit painful to watch certain scenes. As a person who has struggled with anxiety, it made me think about the people who shamed me and belittled me for reacting a certain way in a situation, rather than comforting me and trying to identify the problem.
Rather than focusing on the, in my opinion, fascinating series of misdiagnoses that shaped her time in the hospital, they spent most of the movie showing Susannah’s descent into madness while living her day-to-day life. They emphasized the burden it was on her family and coworkers, rather than demonstrating what Susannah was actually experiencing, such as the auditory and visual hallucinations. If I were the director, I would have put Susannah’s own consciousness at the forefront, and leave it to the audience to deduce what is part of reality and what is merely happening in Susannah’s mind. I think it would have been more interesting if they illustrated Susannah’s symptoms as if they were real because they were very real for her. For example, there’s a moment when Susannah is having dinner with her father and his fiancee. She hallucinates that the fiancee calls her a “spoiled brat.” Unfortunately, the audience doesn’t see or hear this happen. We only see Susannah’s reaction to it, which to me is a huge detriment. This makes Susannah appear intemperate and impulsive, almost as if she is intentionally lashing out.
At one point in the film, Susannah’s parents are understandably upset after learning the possibility that she may be transferred to a psychiatric ward. A psychiatric ward generally means ongoing mental health treatment, rather than further insight into a possible neurological disorder (Think One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest or Girl, Interrupted). However, her father attempts to defend her by stating matter-of-fact, “She is not psychotic.” This is simply inaccurate. One of the defining symptoms of Susannah’s illness is psychosis. Psychosis means a severe detachment from reality, which is often why the subject isn’t aware of and doesn't remember her own behavior. Regardless of how scary the world seems, the fact is that Susannah was psychotic. Denying her symptoms doesn't bring her closer to a diagnosis. I found this ignorance of medical terminology frustrating.I thought the end of the movie was super rushed. It felt like the movie stopped halfway through the story. In the memoir, Susannah discusses her gradual steps in recovery. She had to slowly become herself again, learning to talk, to read, to write, develop her fine and gross motor skills, and be in social situations. One of the most interesting parts was that she passed through similar stages in her recovery as she did in the regression of her illness. But the movie completely skipped all of this. It shows her diagnosis and her family’s jubilations, and then it jumps forward in time. All of a sudden she's laughing with Stephen and walking (albeit very slowly) with her Dad and returning to her job. I think the most powerful part of Susannah’s story was her gradual return to normality, the struggle it took to become herself again, and her self-awareness during this time.
In conclusion, I believe the movie left a lot to be desired. However, I’m really glad I read this book. It gave me a lot of insight into the reality of mental illnesses of this nature. Towards the end, Susannah points out that many people diagnosed with autism or schizophrenia may actually be suffering from autoimmune disorders similar to hers, gradually wreaking havoc on the patient's body. If left untreated for too long, the chances reduce that the patient could ever return to her former self again. Susannah acknowledges the privilege she had of having access to the medical resources she did and is working to help others attain the same resources. As advanced as modern medicine is, we still have a long way to go, but stories like Susannah’s are helping bring awareness. As Susannah says, “I wouldn’t take that terrible experience back for anything in the world. Too much light has come out of my darkness.” By speaking out, Susannah is bringing light to others as well.
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